Putting Faith into Perspective
The other week on Instagram a friend shared something about how he finds it admirable when people share lessons learned from certain life experiences so that others may benefit when they’re facing similar circumstances. Being a rather humble person, it took a lot to speak about myself. But after enduring some significant life changes in the past 5 months, I’ve felt God put it on my heart to share what I’ve learned with the hope that it may change even just one person’s perspective on life.
You might pass a judgement, say I’m looking for people to feel bad for me, or maybe even worse [for 2018] feel like unfollowing me. GASP! Truth is I’m just speaking from the heart because why the heck not.. And if your first reaction was one of those things I just mentioned then I encourage you to keep reading.
Anyway... keeping it concise, I endured some pretty good heartbreak with someone I saw as my best friend in the entire world. I was advised by others to "keep myself busy" and "move on and go have fun" because it's the times when we're by ourselves that we feel the most vulnerable, insecure or even alone. I’ll be the first to admit I had some pretty miserable days by myself. While keeping busy seemed like fool-proof advice, sometimes the avoidance of personal time could be covering something God’s trying to put on your heart. I've been told that it's when you're by yourself that God speaks to you the most.
One day it became clear to me that I had distanced myself from my relationship with God so much more than I even knew. I was failing to realize that while He was the reason for the good times he had also been right there guiding me through the bad. Since then, I’ve learned so much more about myself than I could have ever imagined. And now I can feel I am beginning to thrive from it. What I’m going to share is in no way a narrative of the past; in fact it has nothing to do with the past. It’s a vision for the future.
“If you don’t heal from what hurt you, you’ll bleed on someone who never cut you.” Some pretty vivid words that pack quite the punch. I’ve never been one to believe that covering up a deep, open wound with a couple of temporary “band-aids” is the way to properly heal. It will probably re-open a few times, take a lot longer to heal, and leave a nasty scar. Clean it out, stitch it up and give it time. Obviously what I’m talking about here is metaphorical, but it’s so real and so relatable on many levels. Regarding myself, I saw this as an opportunity to completely realign myself and heal the way a broken bone does, where in the end it is significantly stronger than it was to begin.
The first thing I wanted to address was my relationship with Jesus. Although I attended church about 70-80% of Sunday’s over the last couple of years, I didn’t fixate God at the center of my life the way I used to. I gave Him like an hour or two a week instead of living a life of faith. Desperate for a breakthrough of some sorts I attended Hillsong NYC, a Christian megachurch where they strip it down to the basics of having a relationship with Jesus; easily the most important part of one’s faith. Pastor Carl Lentz’s sermons spoke volumes from the beginning and I was honestly pretty choked up the first time I left there. The guy is extremely passionate about spreading God’s word in a misguided, fast-paced city so desperate for love, acceptance and some reliable direction. I had no idea the pastor had tons of tattoos, rocked leather jackets, and even led one of his best bro’s, Justin Bieber, to God. The above-mentioned imperfections were the epitome of the entire church. Thousands of 20-30 year olds form lines 3 city-blocks long, 5 times a day every Sunday, and nobody comes into the place with a clean past, but everyone loves Jesus more than some of the most self-proclaimed “holy” people I know. That feeling of belonging was indescribable and you felt like you weren’t being judged no matter where you’ve been.
Immediately, I found myself opening my heart and loving New York City in ways I never did before; treating others the way God treats us, loving all people despite our backgrounds and beliefs, being filled with empathy and awareness of the impact one nice gesture could have on someone, and forming my own beliefs based on what I know is morally right or wrong. Above all I’ve felt called to help others so that others may experience God’s love through my actions. There’s a certain comfort level knowing He sent his son to die on the cross and save ME from my sins, and that if all else was to fail, God’s got me. My worth is found in what He did for me, not what I do for Him. Nobody else can provide that - not even scrolling through Instagram and comparing yourself to anyone else. Why wrestle with the world's approval when you can rest in God's?
The next thing I chose to address, which goes hand in hand, is who I am as a man within a relationship. At work one day I stumbled upon a collection of sermons from Christian pastor Rich Wilkerson Jr. (yes he may be the guy who married Kim & Kanye but he’s an incredibly passionate pastor). I listened to four of his sermons: one from 2015 titled It’s Complicated and three others from October 2018 that are apart of a series of talks called Love Lies. These sermons were incredibly eye-opening and, for anyone who’s ever been in a relationship before or plans on being in one, they’re pretty convicting as well. Disclosure: I am not going to share any personal experiences. But I am going to share my takeaways on each sermon. And if you have a spare 35-40 minutes here or there, give these 4 talks a listen. You won’t regret it. They’re incredible. My hope is that in the end you might experience a similar change in perspective to the one I did...
1. It’s Complicated
This one is incredible and is suitable for just about anybody, no matter where you are in life. Pastor Rich dives right into it by explaining that while the spark of the connection you have with someone is a surreal feeling, the truth is that no relationship will ever be a perfect fairy-tale and the strongest relationships take work to build. Often, people find themselves desperate and eager to find someone; they are under this impression it will complete them. In a relationship you compliment one another by growing together, but despite misconceptions God is the only one who will fully complete you.
Now, I’m skipping over a bit of the sermon to get to the powerful ending... Pastor Rich wraps it all up by asking both the men and the women to self-examine their role in their relationships using three questions. They’re pretty convicting but something always worth keeping in mind no matter how far along you are in a relationship.
For the guys, ask yourself:
1. Are you leading her or are you forcing her?
2. Are you protecting her or are you possessing her?
3. Does your love for her outweigh your lust for her?
For ladies, ask yourself:
1. Can your loyalty outweigh your jealousy?
2. Can you communicate and not manipulate?
3. Can you forgive instead of blame?
2. Love Lies - Big Little Lies
The title of this sermon speaks for itself. Proper healing is so important when it comes to moving forward with your life. Moving forward with that "I'm good" or the "Onto the next one" mentality might appear to others as strength, but what good is it if you're broken on the inside? As a runner, I can relate this concept to continuing to run through a painful injury. Will it heal? Maybe. Will it heal faster than taking some days of rest? Not a chance. To others does it look good that you're fighting through the injury? Yeah I guess. Does it feel good? Nope. With each painful stride you're thinking about the days when you were running pain-free.
You might pass a judgement, say I’m looking for people to feel bad for me, or maybe even worse [for 2018] feel like unfollowing me. GASP! Truth is I’m just speaking from the heart because why the heck not.. And if your first reaction was one of those things I just mentioned then I encourage you to keep reading.
Anyway... keeping it concise, I endured some pretty good heartbreak with someone I saw as my best friend in the entire world. I was advised by others to "keep myself busy" and "move on and go have fun" because it's the times when we're by ourselves that we feel the most vulnerable, insecure or even alone. I’ll be the first to admit I had some pretty miserable days by myself. While keeping busy seemed like fool-proof advice, sometimes the avoidance of personal time could be covering something God’s trying to put on your heart. I've been told that it's when you're by yourself that God speaks to you the most.
One day it became clear to me that I had distanced myself from my relationship with God so much more than I even knew. I was failing to realize that while He was the reason for the good times he had also been right there guiding me through the bad. Since then, I’ve learned so much more about myself than I could have ever imagined. And now I can feel I am beginning to thrive from it. What I’m going to share is in no way a narrative of the past; in fact it has nothing to do with the past. It’s a vision for the future.
“If you don’t heal from what hurt you, you’ll bleed on someone who never cut you.” Some pretty vivid words that pack quite the punch. I’ve never been one to believe that covering up a deep, open wound with a couple of temporary “band-aids” is the way to properly heal. It will probably re-open a few times, take a lot longer to heal, and leave a nasty scar. Clean it out, stitch it up and give it time. Obviously what I’m talking about here is metaphorical, but it’s so real and so relatable on many levels. Regarding myself, I saw this as an opportunity to completely realign myself and heal the way a broken bone does, where in the end it is significantly stronger than it was to begin.
The first thing I wanted to address was my relationship with Jesus. Although I attended church about 70-80% of Sunday’s over the last couple of years, I didn’t fixate God at the center of my life the way I used to. I gave Him like an hour or two a week instead of living a life of faith. Desperate for a breakthrough of some sorts I attended Hillsong NYC, a Christian megachurch where they strip it down to the basics of having a relationship with Jesus; easily the most important part of one’s faith. Pastor Carl Lentz’s sermons spoke volumes from the beginning and I was honestly pretty choked up the first time I left there. The guy is extremely passionate about spreading God’s word in a misguided, fast-paced city so desperate for love, acceptance and some reliable direction. I had no idea the pastor had tons of tattoos, rocked leather jackets, and even led one of his best bro’s, Justin Bieber, to God. The above-mentioned imperfections were the epitome of the entire church. Thousands of 20-30 year olds form lines 3 city-blocks long, 5 times a day every Sunday, and nobody comes into the place with a clean past, but everyone loves Jesus more than some of the most self-proclaimed “holy” people I know. That feeling of belonging was indescribable and you felt like you weren’t being judged no matter where you’ve been.
Immediately, I found myself opening my heart and loving New York City in ways I never did before; treating others the way God treats us, loving all people despite our backgrounds and beliefs, being filled with empathy and awareness of the impact one nice gesture could have on someone, and forming my own beliefs based on what I know is morally right or wrong. Above all I’ve felt called to help others so that others may experience God’s love through my actions. There’s a certain comfort level knowing He sent his son to die on the cross and save ME from my sins, and that if all else was to fail, God’s got me. My worth is found in what He did for me, not what I do for Him. Nobody else can provide that - not even scrolling through Instagram and comparing yourself to anyone else. Why wrestle with the world's approval when you can rest in God's?
The next thing I chose to address, which goes hand in hand, is who I am as a man within a relationship. At work one day I stumbled upon a collection of sermons from Christian pastor Rich Wilkerson Jr. (yes he may be the guy who married Kim & Kanye but he’s an incredibly passionate pastor). I listened to four of his sermons: one from 2015 titled It’s Complicated and three others from October 2018 that are apart of a series of talks called Love Lies. These sermons were incredibly eye-opening and, for anyone who’s ever been in a relationship before or plans on being in one, they’re pretty convicting as well. Disclosure: I am not going to share any personal experiences. But I am going to share my takeaways on each sermon. And if you have a spare 35-40 minutes here or there, give these 4 talks a listen. You won’t regret it. They’re incredible. My hope is that in the end you might experience a similar change in perspective to the one I did...
1. It’s Complicated
This one is incredible and is suitable for just about anybody, no matter where you are in life. Pastor Rich dives right into it by explaining that while the spark of the connection you have with someone is a surreal feeling, the truth is that no relationship will ever be a perfect fairy-tale and the strongest relationships take work to build. Often, people find themselves desperate and eager to find someone; they are under this impression it will complete them. In a relationship you compliment one another by growing together, but despite misconceptions God is the only one who will fully complete you.
Now, I’m skipping over a bit of the sermon to get to the powerful ending... Pastor Rich wraps it all up by asking both the men and the women to self-examine their role in their relationships using three questions. They’re pretty convicting but something always worth keeping in mind no matter how far along you are in a relationship.
For the guys, ask yourself:
1. Are you leading her or are you forcing her?
2. Are you protecting her or are you possessing her?
3. Does your love for her outweigh your lust for her?
For ladies, ask yourself:
1. Can your loyalty outweigh your jealousy?
2. Can you communicate and not manipulate?
3. Can you forgive instead of blame?
2. Love Lies - Big Little Lies
This is the best one of the four, hands down; it’s focused around the differences between falling in love and falling in lust. Hearing that word makes me cringe every time. Lust by definition is the action of using someone as an instrument for your own satisfaction (physically or even emotionally). Relationships aren’t meant to satisfy us, they’re meant to sharpen us.
While lust promises us satisfaction and fulfillment, here’s the truth behind it:
- Lust is when you fall in love with a feeling.
- Lust leaves you more dissatisfied in the end than how you began.
- Lust leaves us angry and empty on the inside - “Your obsession will lead to your depression.”
- Lust will always destroy what you once wanted so desperately.
This is a pretty common conviction and is something worth listening to to avoid being trapped by its lies. In the end Pastor Rich opens up that he’s not just preaching to us, he’s preaching to himself...
3. Love Lies - How to Handle Heartbreak
"A rebound relationship will keep you wanting more, but a life re-bound by Jesus is enough to fill your heart, strengthen you and prepare you for whatever He has planned next."
Another important part of moving on from heartbreak is to forgive the person who broke it, no matter how bad the situation. This applies not only to break-ups but to any broken relationship between two people. It’s incredibly difficult to do but at times when it’s easiest to hate, God calls us to love anyway. Holding onto a grudge or a hardened heart doesn’t hurt anyone except yourself. “It’s like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.” You’ll find when you do forgive, forget, and let go, you’re setting yourself free.
4. Love Lies - Trapped in Offense
This sermon talks about something beneficial to anybody going through some fighting in the middle of a relationship. Anyone who has been in a relationship knows that it’s often the smallest issues that produce the largest problems. Mainly because we let those feelings linger and build up instead of addressing the issue right away. Its like having a hangnail; when you first get it, it’s noticeable but you ignore it. Then, over time, the pain begins to grow and grow until it’s unbearable.
To have a healthy relationship you need to sit down right away when something happens and discuss the issue at hand. Be mindful of someone else's feelings even when an issue seems minor or irrational. Hear them out with an open mind, because it is still making that person feel a certain way even if it doesn't make sense to you. When we aren’t able to open up about things that bother us, these minor offenses turn to anger, which turns to resentment, which turns to bitterness, which turns to un-forgiveness, which turns into hate... And the thought of hating someone you once loved seems pretty harsh. A spirit of offense will never let you go; you have to let it go.
Our relationships are the greatest assets in our lives; it’s a shame how many relationships are ruined forever over the smallest of issues. The amount of people who don’t speak to their parents, siblings who refuse to talk or see each other, friendships that are broken, and the number of relationships or marriages that are abandoned is staggering and incredibly saddening. Last but not least, if you’re in a similar situation, pray for that person. “Praying for those you love is sincerity, but praying for those who hurt you is maturity.”
If you read this until the end I am greatly appreciative. This took quite a bit of courage to write but I felt like if I could help even just one person by sharing what life has taught me lately then it was worth writing.
-Shane
Another important part of moving on from heartbreak is to forgive the person who broke it, no matter how bad the situation. This applies not only to break-ups but to any broken relationship between two people. It’s incredibly difficult to do but at times when it’s easiest to hate, God calls us to love anyway. Holding onto a grudge or a hardened heart doesn’t hurt anyone except yourself. “It’s like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.” You’ll find when you do forgive, forget, and let go, you’re setting yourself free.
4. Love Lies - Trapped in Offense
This sermon talks about something beneficial to anybody going through some fighting in the middle of a relationship. Anyone who has been in a relationship knows that it’s often the smallest issues that produce the largest problems. Mainly because we let those feelings linger and build up instead of addressing the issue right away. Its like having a hangnail; when you first get it, it’s noticeable but you ignore it. Then, over time, the pain begins to grow and grow until it’s unbearable.
To have a healthy relationship you need to sit down right away when something happens and discuss the issue at hand. Be mindful of someone else's feelings even when an issue seems minor or irrational. Hear them out with an open mind, because it is still making that person feel a certain way even if it doesn't make sense to you. When we aren’t able to open up about things that bother us, these minor offenses turn to anger, which turns to resentment, which turns to bitterness, which turns to un-forgiveness, which turns into hate... And the thought of hating someone you once loved seems pretty harsh. A spirit of offense will never let you go; you have to let it go.
Our relationships are the greatest assets in our lives; it’s a shame how many relationships are ruined forever over the smallest of issues. The amount of people who don’t speak to their parents, siblings who refuse to talk or see each other, friendships that are broken, and the number of relationships or marriages that are abandoned is staggering and incredibly saddening. Last but not least, if you’re in a similar situation, pray for that person. “Praying for those you love is sincerity, but praying for those who hurt you is maturity.”
If you read this until the end I am greatly appreciative. This took quite a bit of courage to write but I felt like if I could help even just one person by sharing what life has taught me lately then it was worth writing.
-Shane
Shane, you are THE BEST !! Keep onTruckin'. LvU
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