It is Jesus that you seek

I want to preface this blog post that I wrote back at the beginning of August by dedicating it to my lovely Grandmother, Arlene, who passed away at the end of August. She was a big proponent of making sure you are living life to the full, loving those around you and having fun and she was an amazing person to grow up around. She encouraged me to write- my mom used to print out my blog posts and give them to her to read. She even told me that I should write a book and maybe someday I will. I know this might have just been her being a proud Grandma, but I am happy that I made her proud. I was also grateful that I was able to have this post below read to her during her last few days in the hospital before she passed. As a woman who encouraged us to live and always love I think she would agree with my reflection here about life and “our plans”. My reflection, when I wrote it in May, focussed on my college running career instead of a specific thing that all of this quarantine stuff wrecked, and my point was that our plans being wrecked is not a 2020 thing but a life on earth thing and I hope that gives y’all some perspective. Since I wrote this, I got married in a very downscaled celebration which is now probably at the top of my list of plans being wrecked. However, this reflection on life helped me see that this thing happens and it was therefore easier to accept the adjusted plans and do life on God’s terms. Anyway, I hope you get something out of my reflection and that in 2021 you are able to rejoice in the life you have been given no matter how your plans turn out (and I think my Grandma up in Heaven would agree).

Will I get to run again and compete in long races like I used to love doing?

Why did my prom/wedding/graduation have to be cancelled/moved? Why do all of my plans have to be ruined? We ask ourselves questions like these because sometimes situations in our lives leave us wanting more. I think now more than ever this is happening. Senior year ending too soon. Athletic careers being truncated. Wedding plans being jostled. And a hundred other ways that life has been affected during this year. It is almost as if every situation we were in before March 2020 that was supposed to be good has left us disappointed by its cancellation, alteration, etc. And that is just how life is these days. Honestly, that’s how most of life is. As a college athlete, I thought I would get my moment to shine, and even though my results were squashed by injuries and not a pandemic, I definitely felt the disappointment. I had wanted so badly to end my career satisfied and felt that if I just had one more season, or tried one more thing to stay healthy, I could have done it. And then I spent my first year after undergrad desperately longing to race to no avail. But maybe that’s the way things are supposed to be on this earth. Whenever we desire fulfillment from something that is not God, it leaves us flat. And that doesn’t mean that nothing on this earth will ever give us happiness, but I don’t think anything will ever give us ENOUGH happiness. Therefore, we are challenged during these days to see life with different eyes. We are given the choice to see it all with eyes of resentment and dismay or to embrace the reminder that we are not made for this earth. Every event or thing that we have anticipated for so long that gets messed up these days is an invitation to enter into the reality that this world will never satisfy a heart made for heaven. Choose to transform your longing for things to be different these days into a longing for the place where we are all headed and meant to be- in the presence of the Lord. “It is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness; He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; He is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is He who provoked you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise.” -Saint Pope John Paul II Prayer: Dear Lord, remind me that when the things of this world leave me flat and the times keep wrecking my plans that you will fulfill all the longings of my heart. Help me to remember to long to be in your presence when the disappointments get me down. Thank you for giving me another day to be alive. Amen Ps. I have chosen to believe that I will someday get to run a marathon in Heaven.