Loneliness, Love and God

Do you ever get that lonely feeling inside? Like you just want someone to love and hug; someone who will always be there for you?

Do you ever feel like the only thing that could possibly fill that is a significant other? And think “oh that’s normal. We all desire relationships. And when they make you feel so good, how could they not fill that void”?

Hmmmm...yeah me too. I even used to feel justified in thinking this way and wishing I had what this couple or that couple had. I would honestly tell myself that this was a good feeling. But one day I realized I was thinking all wrong. Not only that, but this way of understanding my desire for love was making me act in unhealthy ways while in a relationship and think about relationships and singleness in an unhealthy way while not in one. It’s still something I struggle to not believe and I want to pour some truth into those feelings just as I need it to be poured over me at least once a week.

So what is the truth and what changed for me? How did I go from feeling incomplete without a boyfriend (which how sad would that be if we could only be completely happy while in a relationship?) to feeling joyful no matter the situation?

The real truth is a wakeup call...
I was at my best friend’s kitchen table with her older sister. I was giving my best friend the narrative I knew. “It’s natural to desire a boyfriend and feel like somethings missing without one. It’s only natural”. As I was giving my (not so) good advice, her sister shared some insight that gave us both a wakeup call. She told us that when her and her now husband were dating, they broke up for a little while and she learned a very important lesson: that emptiness and desire for love we feel- yes that’s natural, but the ONLY thing that will ever be good enough to fill that hole is God.

We’re all searching for love because that is how we are created. We are a race created to love. But humans can only love so much. God, on the other hand is just the opposite. He can not only fill, but overflow this void for love we feel inside. He is love himself (1 John 4:8) and because He is perfect, He is perfect love. Even more amazing is the fact that God’s love is steadfast and never changing because He is perfect. Pslam 136:26 declares that we should “Give thanks to the God of Heaven, His STEADFAST love endures FOREVER”. His love is same today as it will be tomorrow and a week from now and ten years from now... Therefore, He is the only thing that can fulfill our longing in every single moment, from now until forever. And not only that, but He wants to fill us in this way. God proved His love for us when He sent His son to live and die for our sins (not that He had to prove anything because He is God, but He did anyway). Before we were even created, He he showed us that He wants to love us perfectly and fill our hearts.

The lies we fall into...
Sometimes we substitute humans in His place because we listen to the lies of the world that relationships are the ultimate form of satisfaction. This reasoning falls short for a few reasons. First off, the person becomes your god and source of happiness. The reason that you live and the reason you wake up. You are only happy when they are talking to you. You are depressed when they don't respond or are away. This is not good because we are not supposed to worship anything else besides the one true God. The idea of making the other person your god (in a way) is not a healthy way to have a relationship. The second reason this is bad is because humans are not perfect. They will fail us. One way or another. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually another human will not be able to fill the role of “god” that you have given them. And how sad is this idea: only being able to be joyful when you're with one other person? What if you get into a fight or they fall short as they most certainly will? What will be your source of life and joy then? All of this is sad and hard to think about but also real. But what is also real is that God wants to offer us more, just as my friend’s sister had told us. The truth of God filling our hearts with love ultimately is a truth that offers us an abundance of joy regardless of the things going on in our lives. Regardless of whether you’re single or in a relationship, NO MATTER WHAT.

So how can you live this truth in a world where singleness is seen as a bad thing?
Start first by letting this truth pour over your life and heart. Then give God some of your time. Allow Him to love you and love Him in return. I'm not sure how this will look in your life, but for me it has been attending mass and adoration, spending time in his word and talking to him daily about the loneliness in my heart during this season of singleness. Whatever that looks like for you (prayer, mass, getting to know the saints, reading his word, devotionals, praise and worship, etc.) do it. It doesn’t have to be perfect or look like anything specific, just commit to giving God your heart in everything you do. Let him fill your heart with love and you will be filled with joy. If you allow the God who is love and is the author of joy and all things good be your source of happiness, there will never be a lack. NO MATTER WHAT. So let God fill that longing that only He can satisfy. Let His everlasting and steadfast love be your source of love first and everything else with relationships will fall into place.

Prayer:
Dear Lord, I know that your love is perfect and that you are love and you alone can fill my desire for love. I give you my heart and I ask you to fill it. I pray that you would help me to know the truth and be reminded of the truth whenever I am weak. Please remove the power that these lies have over me and help me to be full of you starting today. Amen