Trusting God: My First Lesson in 17th Grade

I have trust issues. When it comes to God, I struggle with trust. There are some days when I’m good at trusting and there are others when I am bad at trusting him, but in general, I struggle.

But why do I struggle? He’s so amazing and he wants to give us the greatest things and he loves me so much more than I can ever imagine. And I believe all that. I believe that even though I don’t deserve one iota of the amazing love he offers me, he loves me anyway. So basically, he is the one I should be able to trust the most. I should be able to trust him with my life, heart and future more so than anything or anyone else. So then why don’t I?

About two months ago, I followed where God was calling my heart to a place called Chapel Hill. As a homebody that love being close to my family this was a big deal for me. In the last two months God has taught me so much about trust. He has shown me a little of why I struggle with trusting him. But even more so, I have learned the importance of trust and how to grow in trust with Him. This blog post has been in the making for a while because he keeps showing me more and more about my lack of trust and how to live in trust. I didn’t think I would be done until I had learned enough about trust, but I will probably never know enough. Therefore, here are some things I have learned as I hope to speak some truth into your hearts.

So why do I struggle with trust? It basically comes down to my desire for control. I go through seasons of surrender and waiting and then I think “ok my waiting is done let’s make it happen.” And my desire to make it happen and the illusion I have in my head that I know what I need fog up my brain and make me forget about trust.

I think “I want this.” Or I pray “please give me this Lord.” God, who knows all things, says “no wait that’s not what you need, I have better.” And then even though I never asked for the better thing, he blesses me with it anyway. And how often do we respond with “but God I wanted the other thing” and aren’t grateful for the better thing he has provided. Or we confuse what he gave us with what we thought we wanted and we still act poorly. This causes us to be distracted and not even see the blessing that is right in front of us. 

I start to think in a relativistic way. My thoughts get stuck on one moment and if I am not happy in that one moment, then I go after my passions. But what if I could get out of that way of thinking and think more like God does? We should try to understand that each moment is not separate. Each one is for the next and is important. In this moment we are being shaped for the next ones and so they all matter in God’s story for our lives.

So what have I been learning? First off I have seen that I never know exactly what I need. God surprises me with blessings all the time that are way better than I could have imagined. However, if I had tried to look for them on my own, I never would have found the right thing. I would not have known what I was looking for. This helps me to have hope in God and a desire to trust. I know that no amount of trying to make something happen on my own in my own time will ever suffice to the amazing blessings God gives, and he has given me some amazing things I never would have wanted to miss out on.

He has also been revealing to me that I am not in control. He’s like “you actually don’t know what you need and I’m going to show just exactly how much you’re not in control by giving you blessing you didn't expect. I’m going to do things in my way to show you that it's all because of me and all in my power. I know what types of relationships you're expecting to form down here but first I’m going to give you community and fellowship and fun. You want to get settled? But I’m going to give you some time with your family. How about a friend who’s a little older and wiser and fills you with joy. Maybe another friend who’s is quite different from you but so similar at the same time. I want to give you joy just not in the ways you think it will come.” When God does this, he gives us a choice. We can shut ourselves up and wait for exactly what we think we're waiting on and only be happy with that or we can drop the reins, release our will and trust God and go with it letting everything God puts in our path be a source of joy and a blessing.

So how do we grow in trust? I was listening to a podcast last weekend on a run called “Lanky Guys: The Word on the Hill” and they give a reflection on the readings each Sunday. They started to talk about the topic of relativism mentioned above and they said two things that I think really relate to trusting and what I’ve been learning. First, is that we have to remember that God breathes much longer than we do. His inhales and exhales are much longer and his time is just overall different. We get so impatient with him because we have been waiting forever when the way God sees it, he’s not even through a full breath. Maybe in this way, we need to think about taking longer breaths like God. And I’m not suggesting we can become like God. But what if we could think more like him? What if we could frame our breaths and our waiting periods in a timeframe of a forever in heaven. If that’s the goal and that’s where we are headed, to an eternity with God, is the few extra days, weeks, years really that big of a difference? Especially since God wants to give us the best things and on the other side of our trust are his promises.

There was a second thing that they mentioned that really stuck out to me, so much so that I stopped mid run and made a note on my phone. They started to talk about what I had mentioned earlier, where we stop trusting God, we say “I know what I want and what’s going to make me happy so I’m just going to go ahead and make it work”. But the thing about God is, he has a better plan. In this time of trust in which we are waiting, we are not waiting for nothing. God is working on us. He is working on our hearts and tastes so that they closer align with what he knows is good for us and what he is going to provide to fulfill his promises. I think it is important to remind ourselves that in order to encounter what God wants to for us, we have to let him do the work and change our tastes. When you think of it this way, patience is easier because we can see how integral the waiting time is to the ultimate fulfillment of God’s promises.

I have really found some inspiration in another podcast lately as well called “Pints with Aquinas” which is a podcast done by Matt Fradd (I’m big into podcasts in this season of my life now that I’m [more of] an adult). In this episode called “How do we rejoice always”, he talks about trust and how to grow trust. He mentions that we must choose trust in every moment. The most important time to trust is when you feel like there is no reason to trust. And every time you choose to trust instead of doubt even when you don't feel it, that trust grows a little more. Beyond this, it is important that we remind others to trust in these hard times as well. This is one of the most important things that we can do for the people around us and I think that it helps us to grow in trust as well.

Another important aspect of growing in trust is in the way we respond to God and his blessings. When God gives us what is better and what we really need instead of what we thought we wanted, we should respond differently. We must change our narrative through prayer to one of thanksgiving, knowing that God rejoices in our good and wants to give us the best. When we are grateful for his blessings we become more open to what he has for us. And you never know what positive things he will give you out of that trust.

Some final pieces of seaglass (aka bits of truth): God has been trying to teach me something about trust and its importance. Part of it is definitely the peace that comes in trusting him and the joy and abundance of life that sprouts from trust. Proverbs 3 says to “Trust the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight...It will be a healing for your flesh and and a refreshment for your body.” He is the one that I can trust the most and in this trust I find healing and rest. He wants me to lay all my plans down and let trust inundate me. And I pray that these words and my experiences may inspire in you even a small bit of trust in the Lord’s plans for your life. May this bring you peace and joy and a desire to trust whether your a pro at trusting him or a control freak like I can be sometimes.

Prayer: Dear Lord, I struggle to trust you sometimes even when I know that I should. Please forgive me for thinking that I know best and instill in my heart a patience and trust in your marvelous plans. I pray that you may align my tastes with your will and that as I lay my will down at your feet I may be filled with the peace that comes with trusting the one who knows all things. Amen

PS: Give these a listen :)
Lanky Guys: The Word on the Hill
Pints With Aquinas